Can I call you that? I know I want to.
I don’t know what this is. Maybe, you’d prefer looking at me, sitting across from me, sipping on a cup of coffee, and hear me talk. But I find letters intimate, reminiscent of a time, when phones weren’t so prevalent, when people had solitude. Solitude served it’s own purpose.
This is my first letter to you; the first of many I hope. And I still don’t know why I am doing this; what this letter is to achieve; what this is about. And maybe, that’s the point.
This month has been crazy. We’ve gone from strangers to soulmates in this one month. You are everything I had ever hoped for in a woman. You are my perfect woman; the perfect mix of brain and brawn; the woman of my dreams. See, I had fantasized about you, but I had never thought you possible, and still, here you are!
It has been a month since you called me irresistible. Irresistible! That’s every guy’s dream, to hear that he’s irresistible. I still remember the awkwardness, and joy. How often, and how pathetically I had failed to keep a straight face.
You are beautiful. Have I said this to you?
Have I said this to you enough number of times?
I don’t think so.
So yes, you are beautiful, so, so, beautiful. It’s weird, I remember not liking your lips that much; now they seem like the most beautiful lips in the whole wide world. I love your fingers too. I love all of you.
I’ll tell you something else too. Remember that fork in the road, where we turn tight, each day, to go to work. I’m not sure if you notice this too, but on the plot to the left, there’s a family of pigs loitering about, blackened by the sewage and shit. I remember it used to disgust me. Now, it looks beautiful!
Now, to something a little serious.
In life, we settle; more often than we would like to admit to ourselves. Most of the times, we don’t even realize it. I had too; with Anya. I had been something I wasn’t, to impress her, to mould myself into her idea of me. With you, I was me; pure, unadulterated, shameless.
And that mattered to me. The fact that I did not have to hide behind something. Something invisible. That I could say what I felt like, that I could do what I felt like, that I could be what I felt like.
See, you freed me.
And that’s something that I cannot repay you for, no matter how much I tried. Not that I would, or would even want to. All I can do, is love you the more for it.
The break neck speed has hardly given me any time to think; so maybe, this is me thinking out loud, for both our sakes. Because, neither of us has really given it any thought. We haven’t had the solitude. We have been away from each other, yes, but we haven’t had the solitude.
We haven’t had the time to think about anything; who you are, who I am, who we are. And maybe, it’s better that we did not get that time. Because, if we had that time, we would have had time to think, and the more we thought, the more we would have found reasons not to do this. And I am glad that we did this; are, doing this.
I am glad that we jumped straight in.
I’ll send this to you one day, when you are not here, with me. And I hope on that day, this will make you smile.