There was a moment, between when I had picked up my luggage, and when I began looking for a cab, that I felt this sense of loss, this sadness. I had just returned from one of the four or so trips I need in a year to function. I was back in the city. I was home. And yet, I could not shake this feeling of entrapment!
This happened this past Sunday. And a moment was all I had, to feel anything, as the rest of the time was spent trying to catch the last metro before it left the exchange station, which happened a couple of times during the journey.
There were no cabs. And as for Uber, it has these surges!
Today, I saw a dead woman. A dead woman, on the road, her belongings scattered, a little pool of red on the road. It had rained in the morning, the night before as well. The red was not that dark. The road, wetter than it would have been otherwise.
The incident, did something to me, reminded me how short life is, and how seemingly pointless! Accidents happen, and well, most come with no warnings. An instant is all it takes.
Nature loves duality. Conservation. Zero.
Since Monday, I had wanted to write. Monday was too tiring, Tuesday, a little better. I had an idea about what I wanted to write about. After all, my brain was on fire! All I could think of was writing stuff. Things about the blog, things about the book, things about life. There is a reason why I take these breaks, you know.
I wanted to write about it all.
I wanted to write about finding myself again. Time forced a fog at me, smudging what was once clear. I was reminded of my single mindedness about becoming a writer, about how badly I wanted it, and how I had made everything else about supporting this one thing. I was reminded of it all. I was reminded of the obviousness of it all.
That in turn, had freed me.
See, each day, there are a specific number of free hours I get. There is no way those hours can be increased. And I am not so much into productivity hacks. So, in the hours that I get, the time would be well spent, if I had no decisions to make. I would be doing what’s needed, and not worry about the other things. I had missed that clarity in the past. I mean I had it to begin with, but somewhere along the way, things got botched up.
Having your priorities straight helps.
I guess this is what today’s post was about. This, and the magic of breaks.